These are the jokes

nuclearoverreactor:

Unlikely lines from a cosmetics commercial. 

tastefullyoffensive:

How to Get 10% Off Your Order at Not a Burger Stand in Burbank, CA

Previously: Funny and Creative Sandwich Board Signs

danpintilini:

flukeoffate:

gingahninjah:

sliced bread is the greatest thing since betty white

Reblogging for that comment

thats crazy

danpintilini:

flukeoffate:

gingahninjah:

sliced bread is the greatest thing since betty white

Reblogging for that comment

thats crazy

ninjaunicornmagic:

bewbin:

pemsylvania:

the tree out front is sick. im rooting for it to get better.

i beleaf it will get better but only if it branchs out on the medicine it will use. just let it get some rest so dont bark at it or it’ll wake up

i hope i can plant a seed in its mind to get treatment as soon as possible

ninjaunicornmagic:

beautiful

herestothegirlthatwreckedmyworld:

wellisnthatwizard:

hohenheiny:

YOU GUYS
SO I ACTUALLY DID THIS A FEW MONTHS AGO AND I DIDNT EVEN THINK THEY LOOKED AT THIS SORT OF THING SO BY THE TIME THE DELIVERY MAN CAME I HAD FORGOTTEN THAT I WROTE THAT AND THE GUY WAS REALLY CUTE. WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR HE WAS SUPER FLUSTERED AND DROPPED HIS PEN, THE BAG HOLDING THE PIZZA AND THE RECEIPTS. THEN after i signed the receipt and he was getting ready to leAVEEEE HE GOES “So… umm… did you actually put that?” and i was like “put what?” and he goes “… to.. um… tell you.. um that you’re pretty” omg it hit me that this was why he was all nervous and i started cracking up omfg then he told me that i was pretty.
ahhh pizza

i did this once but when the guy came to the door I sent my friend Martin to get the pizza and I heard muffled laughter and then Martin came back into the room with the pizza and whispered “he told me I was pretty”

Omg

and now i need to save up enough money to be able to afford ordering a pizza, JUST so i can put that request in there ^_^

herestothegirlthatwreckedmyworld:

wellisnthatwizard:

hohenheiny:

YOU GUYS

SO I ACTUALLY DID THIS A FEW MONTHS AGO AND I DIDNT EVEN THINK THEY LOOKED AT THIS SORT OF THING SO BY THE TIME THE DELIVERY MAN CAME I HAD FORGOTTEN THAT I WROTE THAT AND THE GUY WAS REALLY CUTE. WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR HE WAS SUPER FLUSTERED AND DROPPED HIS PEN, THE BAG HOLDING THE PIZZA AND THE RECEIPTS. THEN after i signed the receipt and he was getting ready to leAVEEEE HE GOES “So… umm… did you actually put that?” and i was like “put what?” and he goes “… to.. um… tell you.. um that you’re pretty” omg it hit me that this was why he was all nervous and i started cracking up omfg then he told me that i was pretty.

ahhh pizza

i did this once but when the guy came to the door I sent my friend Martin to get the pizza and I heard muffled laughter and then Martin came back into the room with the pizza and whispered “he told me I was pretty”

Omg

and now i need to save up enough money to be able to afford ordering a pizza, JUST so i can put that request in there ^_^

LMAO

LMAO

this one is actually not a joke. this is a PSA. she died.   (not rly. it’s totally a joke)

this one is actually not a joke. this is a PSA. she died.   (not rly. it’s totally a joke)

killing-the-headlamps:

Sorry I was speeding, officer. I was listening to Mumford and Sons and the banjo solo came on.

thighetician:

solarselection:

BRUH

Perfection

he’s not playin. and this is fuckin awesome.